What is the best use of time in our lives?

Kaal Bhairavi Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhairavi

KAl Bhairavi Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhairavi

By Jayant Kalawar, June 11th 2023

It depends. On phase of life cycle. On particular circumstances at a given time and so on. Desh-kAl-paristhiti.

That said, there is a way to expand the sense of time to live a more fulfilling life.

Living in the world of senses makes us seek sense gratification through pleasures. Sense pleasures are transitory. The demand for seeking out different ways of gratifying the senses keeps increasing. Time passes quickly in pursuit of sense pleasures.

Living in the world of buddhi, the intellect, slows down time. ShravaNa (interpret as study here) and manana (contemplation, through writing, repetitive performing) can help here. Study and writing slow down time, as your attention gets focused. Same happens with learning and performing music, dance, painting, sculpting. Focused attention slows down time, enabling the physical and emotional body a better chance to be in rhythm with its natural environment.

Living more and more in dhAraNA and dhyAnA slows down time even further. It expands the possibilities of living a more fulfilling life.

Hope some of you, after reading this you have curiosity to ask how to do this. That curiosity will make you a mumukshu, a seeker.

Focusing Inward in these Covid-19 days

Sri Gayatri MAtA by Raja Ravi Verma Source Wikipedia

ॐ श्री मात्रे नमः Source: Illustration by Raja Ravi Verma as published at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gayatri

Hot humid summer days open up opportunities for early morning walks. There are some days, though, when early morning hours are hot and humid and the body and the mind resist and find excuses to stay within air conditioned comfort.   In 2020, there are added reasons with Covid-19 and social distancing. In New Jersey, at the time of this writing in mid-July, it is generally accepted to be prudent and wear a mask or face covering even while out on a solitary walk, with runners and joggers, many young of age with  a sense of immortality, who may run past you breathing heavily.

On one such early hot and humid Thursday morning, instead of walking I found myself sitting in air-conditioned comfort in front of my laptop, logged into Zoom and waiting to be connected to an ongoing discourse on Suresvara Ācārya’s Naiṣkarmya Siddhi by Swami Shantanandaji[1].    Thursdays are Guruvāra, Guru’s day and a good day to listen and reflect on Vedanta teachings from Adi Shankaracharya.  While waiting for Swamiji to connect, I wondered what light would be shown to us through the discourse this morning.

Swami Shantanandaji is no more than 2 miles from where I am sitting and, in these Covid 19 days, we connect only online for the early morning discourse. This Thursday, Swamiji expanded on two key terms: cidābhāṣa and vṛtti which while not new in my many decades of study of Vedanta, are quite elusive to grasp and immerse and revel in for their full import. In the process of writing this post I am hoping to root these subtle concepts a bit deeper in myself.

Cidābhāṣa points at once to the human capacity to be self-aware (cit) and to the ability to experience a limited structured world (bhāṣa). For instance, I have the capacity to say “I am” to myself and, going further, I can also sense my own presence without using any language. That is what happens in my meditation seat: as I focus inwards, languaging drops away and, with it, thoughts disappear. There are moments when I only have a sense of being present. This sense of being present, without any thoughts, is cit, the capacity to be self-aware, presenting itself. 

Such a sense of presence is momentary, fleeting, for me.  Because, in the very next moment, the body intrudes and signals that it is thirsty or  hungry. And like a mother reaching out to a child, this capacity of cit, to be aware, flows out to be entangled  between solving the problem of overcoming the thirst or hunger and negotiation of the urgency of these signals with reveling in and extending the moments of being self-aware in meditation. In this moment, Cit energy (Cit śakti) flows away into the body and only the body and its particular problems exist. There is a limited sense (bhāṣa) that arises for those moments, that the body is all that exists and this limitation is false. But in that flow of Cit to the body, in these moments, the capacity to even explore the possibility that I am not limited to the body is not available.

The possibility of limitlessness, that I am not limited to my body, is what I am not capable of fully immersing, like water to a fish. The fish does not have knowledge of the vastness of the waters it is in; it may not even be aware that it is in something like water. The fish is an extension, and integral part, of the water ecosystem (before I do the ‘so also’ let me say I am alert to the limitations of this ‘fish in the water’ metaphor and use it only to help visualize what I share next).  Like the fish, the human lives in an ocean, one of cosmic vibration which manifests itself as Cit śakti in the human body. In the process of manifestation, the property of connection with the ocean appears to be lost. So, Cit śakti gives us the capacity to be self-aware and also be aware, in a limited way, of the human body in which it manifests. But this dynamic awareness enabling energy, Cit śakti, that manifests does not allow for an easy connection back to its source, the ocean of cosmic vibrations.

What is this ocean of cosmic vibrations? One way is to describe it in terms of its properties: Sat-Cit-Ānanda. Sat is the property of being always and everywhere. One of the properties of satcitānanda is manifestation outside of space and time; it is not bound by space and time. We can, however, begin to sense its presence through certain of its properties. Just as we can sense the presence of water in the ocean, through its properties of wetness and its liquid flow, so also, can we sense the presence of Satcitānanda through two of its properties: the property of self-awareness, which is Cit, and the property of contentment, which is Ānanda. Our awareness capacity, Cit, is limited. We experience sukha (happiness) and duḥkha (sorrow),  but rarely contentment, Ānanda. And because we are bound by space and time – we are a-sat (not sat). Here, in my meditation seat, in my own little personal reservoir of awareness, cit, is fed by a trickle from satcitānanda, but I cannot sense that connection. How do I get to this place, where I can begin to sense a connection with satcitānanda and, then, actually connect? This is where mokṣa śāstra comes into play, and to have a Guru guide you through the systemized process (śāstra) to connect with and immerse (mokṣa) in satcitānanda.

This is a good place to ask: what keeps us from beginning to focus our energies to seek this connection to Satcitānanda? Because of Vṛtti.

Vṛtti, the other keyword Swami Shantanandaji raised in his discourse that summer Thursday morning, is disturbance; a disturbance that causes ripples or a storm in the tranquility of the reservoir of Cit śakti in us. Much of the time, most of us have a disturbed Cit śakti.

The key Vṛtti generating factors are our desires to play in this material world. And at this particular period on Earth, in 2020, we have a pandemic triggering particular desires: to survive now and to continue to do so in the longer run, while we consume an overload of information on  how to survive. Much, if not all, of our Cit śakti is spent on this so we can take precautions to be safe and healthy while anxiously worrying about our financial future. The opportunity, even momentarily,  to use some of our Cit śakti to recall and reconnect with the Satcitānanda, is near zero. Unless, and this is a Big Unless, we are blessed with the opportunity to be in satsang with ācāryas who tirelessly and with complete focus, because of their sustained focus on Satcitānanda,  we are effortlessly guided to re-focus on our interior self. That is what happens every time I have the opportunity to attend Swami Shantanandaji’s discourse on these Thursday mornings.

I will hazard a guess that the pandemic has helped many of us focus on a few things. In fact, in pre-pandemic times, many who may have been continually distracted pursuing the narrative of materialist modernity which shaped almost every waking moment of our lives, and in our dream are beginning to avail of the opportunity to seek satsang and become aware of ourselves.[2]

Ācāryas in the past have spoken of many veils that cloud our view of Satcitānanda.  What materialist modernity has constructed over the past 400 years is not a veil but a reinforced fortress wall. Any attempt to scale this wall and turn inward is met with ignorance, since the language of modernity does not have embedded within guidance on Satcitānanda. Any sensibility that is not a part of the modern narrative is denigrated and without guidance to search inward, we are pulled relentlessly, by modern logic, narrative and theories, to find happiness by continually playing win-lose games in the material world of our senses and keep us engaged in this material endeavor.

In this context, I see Covid-19 as an opportunity to turn inward and find satsang, as these distractions have been temporarily brought to a standstill, to guide us to dismantle brick by brick, the wall that modernity has erected within us. That is what Advaita Vedānta can do: gently help deconstruct the modern logic and narrative that is holding us prisoner.

May many of us find our satsang soon. And at that satsang, may we find an Ācārya to begin guiding us to focus our Cit śakti, to begin connecting to Satcitānanda.

And just to close the loop, next time I go for a morning walk and a young person barrels down past me without a mask, I hope to be less fearful as I meditate on this connection, while taking precautions myself. I will think positive thoughts for the young runners and wish them well.


[1] Swami Shantanandaji is President of Chinmaya Mission West and resident Ācārya of Chinmaya Vrindavan, Cranbury, New Jersey.

[2] I have expanded upon this theme of the impact of modernity on human species in my essay: https://www.amazon.com/OUTSIDER-DECONSTRUCTING-EUROPEAN-ENLIGHTENMENT-Death-ebook/dp/B07RHVRV7V

Flourishing Through the Rough Terrain of 2019: A Vedic Astrology Perspective

Devi Waiting for Her Children (c) Jayant Kalawar 180929

The Devi Waiting For Her Children To Come Back Home (c) Jayant Kalawar 2019

Aum Sri MAtre NamahA

By Jayant Kalawar

The planetary patterns for 2019 beginning March and especially in the May – October 2019 period are quite rough.

Many of us have encountered such rough terrains before in our lives. Those of us who connect with their IshTa DevatA on a daily basis know that this connection gives them more chances to flourish through these rough terrains.

In a September 2018 article on my website, Calm Before the Storm, I had made the specific prediction that the November 6th 2018 mid-term election in USA may likely weaken the ability of the current president of the USA to provide leadership and implement his agenda and that it may likely translate into a sense of political weakness in the USA:

All this points to chances that the November 6th mid-term elections in USA may end up giving a weak result for the current US president.

On January 10th 2019 when the newly elected US Congress convenes the Rahu-Ketu field will be at its peak intensity. The result of the mid-term elections will likely be amplified and may likely begin impacting the ability of the current US president to carry out strong positive leadership actions in 2019.

So by end of January 2019 we may have a sense of how 2019 may likely unfold. Any sense of political weakness in the USA may translate into financial and economic weakness not only in the USA but throughout the globe.

As I write in this on January 11th 2019, these predictions are being borne out. The Democrats have taken over the House of Representatives with Nancy Pelosi as Speaker. President Trump has shut down parts of the United States government, in response to the US Congress not funding his agenda. While still early in January, this situation already signals political weakness in the US. Planetary patterns are pointing to the period between January 11th and 23rd as likely to be most vulnerable to misunderstandings and disputes between and among political parties in the US. So by the last week of January we may be better able to assess how well positioned USA is to respond to the disturbances that emerging planetary patterns are signaling for later in 2019.

The first signs of potential for physical and economic distress are likely to emerge from March 22nd on wards and become somewhat intensive after April 8th. The most intense period distress is likely to be between mid-May and mid-October 2019, with peak in July 2019. The source of the disturbances may be a combination of natural and man made triggers and likely impact both economic and physical areas of life.

Each of us may experience disturbances in different areas of life

The planetary patterns also give us indications of how they may impact each of us differently, within a range of possibilities. Approximately 15% of people may directly experience such impacts. That is about 1 in 6 of us. The rest of us will likely have one or more people in our family and friends circle going through some direct experience of distress and many of us may choose to step in to help them through their situations.

Here are likely high stress area for each of the ascendant signs between about mid-May to mid-October 2019:

Aries: Income, especially investment or rental income, may be stressed, which may have secondary impact on father figures, advanced studies and ability to travel long distance for business purposes.

Taurus: Career and social status areas may be stressed and that may impact intimate relationships.

Gemini: Health of father, performance in graduate or specialized studies and long distance business travel may be stressed and that may impact personal and business partnerships.

Cancer: Conjugal relationship may be stressed and that may give rise to disputes and trigger emotional and physical health issues.

Leo: Emotional and physical health of personal and business partners may be stressed and that may in turn stress children and creative activities.

Virgo: Work place stress and stress on physical and emotional health may have secondary impact on home life and mother.

Libra: Children and creative activities may be stressed and show up as impact on your initiatives, ventures and in the way you communicate.

Scorpio: Home life and mother’s emotional and physical health may be stressed and this may impact overall family well-being.

Sagittarius: New initiatives, ventures, younger siblings / colleagues, ability to communicate may be impacted and in turn result in stress on personal emotional and physical health.

Capricorn: Over all family well-being may be stressed and result in losses and separations.

Aquarius: Emotional and physical health may be stressed, resulting in losses in income and relationship with mentors.

Pisces: There may be losses and separations, which may in turn impact career and social status.

How to manage this potentially rough terrain and flourish

If you have reached this part of this article, I am assuming you have experienced the power of observing patterns presented by planetary configurations using Vedic Astrology and also know about the power of connecting with your IshTa DevatA.

For those who connect with their Ishta Devata on a daily basis, there may be a unique date and time on January 20th – 21st to connect and meditate, to seek guidance on how to navigate through this rough terrain. There will be a relatively long lunar eclipse between 9:36 pm on Sunday January 20th to 2:48 am Monday January 21st (New York time zone). The total eclipse is from 11:41 pm to 12:43 am. Sitting in a meditative pose and silently chanting your IshtA DevatA mantra from about 10:30 pm to 1:45 am may give you a channel to strengthen your connection with the DevetA to ask for blessings for yourself and your family, friends and community to help go through the rough planetary terrain forming between late March and late October of 2019.

Aum Sri MAtre NamahA

Please note: I follow Systems Approach to Vedic Astrology propounded by the Late Professor V.K. Choudhry (www.yournetastrologer.com). In this article, I have used chart for USA developed using Systems Approach to Mundane Vedic Astrology (see http://yournetastrologer.com/mundane_astrology.htm ). I also follow the work done by Cosmologer, who discovered the SAMVA USA chart in 2006 with the help of J.T.W. Battalana. He developed the chart based on extensive historical research and predictions for over a decade based on the Systems’ Approach and with guidance from the late Professor Choudhry (see http://cosmologer.blogspot.com/2007/12/samva-usa-chart.html )

Enjoying Aloneness, How it is not Loneliness: A Contemplation

In Deep Conversation with Her Mother 181023

Aum Sri Matre NamahA Thillai Nataraja temple, Chidambaram, Tamil Nadu [photo by Santu Brahma] source: tweet by Keerthik Sasidharan @KS1729 on October 1st 2018.

 

by Jayant Kalawar

 

Aloneness happens when there is no dependence.

No dependence on possessing things.

No dependence on having any relationships.

No dependence on having any obligations to family, friends, community or society.

No dependence on any give and take transactions.

Loneliness happens when there is dependence on any of those things and one is deprived of them.

Dependence followed by deprivation causes loneliness.

Dependence on owning a car or home takes away from the capacity to be alone. One may own a car or home and yet not be dependent.

Dependence comes from an attachment to a particular object, whether the car or home.

Moving from owning a car today to not owning one tomorrow, in an equanimous way, requires considerable Aloneness capacity.

Aloneness can be cultivated to some extent.

But to have deep and stable Aloneness capacity requires a cognitive shift.

Cognitive shift of how you view yourself, how you view the space and time world around you.

 

Materialist view of yourself and the world leads to dependency. Dependency on the material.

Materialists cannot be alone.

Religious view of yourself and the world leads to dependency. Dependency on the material and God.

Religious people cannot be alone.

The languages that we use today have emerged from and constrained by materialist and religious views of the world.

The world of the Aloneness cannot be described in the languages we use today.

It can only be contemplated, along the way to disabling our dependencies.

It can only be contemplated as we are enabling the cognitive shift to Aloneness.

To sustain oneself on this path we need the blessings of the Devi. Aum Sri Matre NamahA.

 

This contemplative note is based on my interpretation of a discourse on certain verses of The Naishkarmya Siddhi of SureshvarA by Swami Shantananda of Chinmaya Vrindavan, Cranbury, NJ on October 25th 2018.

 

A Remembering, A SmaRaNA of Shri GaneshA September 12th-13th 2018

Celebrating Ganesha Chaturthi September 13th 2018

Aum Shri GaNeshAya NamahA, Celebrating the Divya PurushA, evening of September 12th 2018, ChinmayA Mission, Cranbury, New Jersey (photo by jayant kalawar)

by jayant kalawar

He is the master of GaNas, categories.

We categorize the cosmos, slice and dice it.

So our limited cognitive ability can digest

What the senses deliver to us.

 

Our categories become our obstacles.

What they exclude makes for our ignorance, Avidya.

He removes these obstacles that make us ignorant, Vigna-hArA.

 

He is Buddhi-dAtA.

He blesses the SAdhakA,

Who strives to explore beyond ignorance,

With intellect, Buddhi.

 

He is Moksha-dAtA.

He shows the path to MokshA

To the SAdhakA who uses his intellect

To explore beyond the sensory world.

 

He is with us always.

We forget to remember

And connect with Him

So that He can guide us.

Aum Shri GaneshAya NamahA.

 

Above is a paraphrased summary of my interpretation of a short talk by Swami ShantAnandA at Chinmaya Mission, Cranbury, NJ on the evening of September 12th 20h18.

Celebrating the DevA Savitr in Leo August 17th – September 16th

Sri Gayatri MAtA by Raja Ravi Verma Source Wikipedia

ॐ श्री मात्रे नमः Source: Illustration by Raja Ravi Verma as published at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gayatri

Source: https://sreenivasaraos.com/2012/10/07/sri-gayatri-part-one/

This morning, August 17th, the Sun rose in Leo. Ever auspicious, the Deva Savitr in Leo is even more so. He transits Leo in the period between August 17th and September 16th in the 21st century. The Deva channels Sri Gayatri MAtA’s blessings to us.

This 30 day period in 2018 is likely to be more positive than the same time in the last two years, when the Rahu-Ketu axis was afflicting Leo (and we experienced eclipses September 1st and 16th 2016 and August 21st 2017). This year Leo is clear and the Sun can bless us unhindered. Late last year the Rahu-Ketu axis moved on to Cancer and we experienced eclipses in June-July 2018 – and many of us have just about begun working our way out of some rather stressful situations at personal and social levels.

However (and there is usually a ‘however’), Mercury and Venus may send some mixed signals to quite a few of us during the next two weeks to September 2nd 2018.

Summary: Auspicious Sun in Leo, Volatile Mercury in Cancer, Weak Venus in Virgo. Sun will transit into Leo August 17th 2018 and will be there until September 16th 2018. Sun in Leo is auspicious for all signs in different ways. For example, Leo may show leadership, while Virgo works on inner peace and Gemini starts new initiatives. Capricorn may benefit from partnerships and inheritance, while Pisces may find it easy to win in competitions and get financial benefits. And so on.

However, Mercury, may throw a spanner in the works until September 2nd as it moves slowly out of Cancer. It makes for volatility in communications and analysis, in turn impacting volatility in many areas in our lives, including financial markets.  In this case, the volatility of Mercury is mostly related to Moon transiting from one house to another. Dates to watch for mixed and missed signals: August 17th-21st (Moon transiting from Libra through Scorpio and into Sagittarius), 23rd, 25th/26th, 28th, 30th and September 1st-2nd.

Meanwhile, Venus continues to be weak and distant in Virgo until September 2nd. Luxury items and sales targeted at women have less chance of success and this will be reflected in the financial markets as well.

So September 3rd to 16th may be less volatile, more enjoyable. More on that later.

August 2018: Mars Receding, Venus Distant

Durga MAtA by Photo by Soumik Dey on Unsplash 180807

ॐ श्री मात्रे नमः (Photo by Soumik Dey on Unsplash)

The heat waves and the wild fires that seem to have gripped many areas in the last few weeks may begin to recede, as Mars begins to move out of the Rahu-Ketu field August 7the. Time to step back and assess the impact of Mars transit through the Rahu-Ketu field, acting out in different areas of your lives in June and July. Take some time by yourself to scan your physical and emotional health and that of your loved ones. We have a breather here – to calm down and heal. Those of you who have continually been connected with MA DurgA would have sensed the protection and blessings and a sense of calm, even as the fires raged, emotional and physical, in various shapes and forms, all around us.

In August 2018, Venus will be most distant from Earth. It will be seen in the sky to be transiting the zodiac of Virgo. A milder form of confusion (unlike the raging storms of Mars) is likely between August 8th and 17th, with peaks around August 10th to 13th. We may see this manifested in the social and political arenas and in turn inducing volatility in financial markets. Fashion and luxury goods sectors may be particularly impacted. The inclination, for many of us, may be towards being more analytical and less emotional – and thus out of balance in situations which require emotions to play.

Usual caveat applies: the experience may be in different areas of life for each ascendant sign and intensity depends on particular ascendant degrees. Those who continually connect with the Devi are blessed with strength and calm to better navigate through the squalls and storms of life.

July 2018: Venus may provide respite, from turbulent Mars, for some.

Venus in Leo - Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash - 180704

Venus in Leo in July Balances the Turbulence of Mars for some of us (Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash)

By Jayant Kalawar

Venus will be energized as it transits through the cluster of nakshatrAs (constellations) that make up SimhA lagnA (Leo ascendant) from the evening of July 4th to the early morning hours of August 1st. This will provide a welcome cushion for those with lagnA (ascendant) birth signs of Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Libra and Scorpio. The rest of us (those with Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces) may have to manage by keeping a low profile and very patient.

Mars, as of this writing on July 4th, is beginning to close in and will fully immerse into the turbulent field of Rahu-Ketu between July 12th and 29th. Expect more of the events such as freak storms, volcanic eruptions, as well as strong emotional expressions of frustration and anger, within us and amongst us, that we saw during the previous Mars immersion in the first two weeks of June. This transit of Mars will be experienced by most of us with varying degrees of intensity, depending on how much we practice focused awareness, enabling us to channel and sublimate out (not suppressing for future eruptions!) the turbulent energies, which trigger memories of past angers and frustrations, leading us to actions which we later regret.

Practicing focused awareness makes us observe the churn of emotional energies arising with the waxing and waning of planetary energies. When we are accomplished in this practice, we can watch them trigger our own particular memories, which become thoughts that we take to be all too real. We then act upon this reality of our mind. It takes a long time, many births perhaps, for this practice of focused awareness to be rooted, become one of our limbs in the subtle space. There are many techniques one can use, and many paths one can take, to climb this mountain. It helps to have a seasoned coach, at least to get ready and started on this climb, at the base camp of this mountain!

(c) Jayant Kalawar and 21BanyanTree.com

I use Systems Approach to Vedic Astrology as propounded by Professor V.K. Choudhry in my use of Jyotisha as one of the range of modalities in my coaching practice.

Socializing, Intimacy and Privacy in the Digital Age: Socializing – Part 1

Is Your Socializing Fragrant 180701

Bring the fragrance of jasmine to your social group! (Photo by Socialpictures CH on Unsplash)

You may have noticed that when there are times we want to be alone and we give it a positive value. At other times, we may feel lonely even when we are amongst family, friends, colleagues and so on. The physical situation may be the same, but the time and place that the situation of being lonely is happening is something we do not want. Then we give it a negative value. What makes for being alone and what makes for being lonely?  I hope to write about this in a series of posts in a contemplative exploration of what being alone means, in the context of socializing, intimacy and privacy that each of us may relate to and practice in different ways.

Many people inhabiting the 21st century digital world feel that being alone provides the opportunity for rejuvenation within the boundaries of privacy. They want only a certain amount of socializing. And with certain individuals of their choice, they would like the intimacy. There is a balance between intimacy and socializing, which seems to be managed by signaling privacy boundaries.  When that balance is right, we may get to the alone time we value. When that balance is skewed, we may either end up with too little of the alone time or too much of the alone time, which at some point becomes lonely time.

This may happen both over time in different phases of our life cycle, and across the spaces we inhabit. When young, we may sense the need for more socializing and less alone time. When older we may feel the need for more alone time. It may also differ from person to person the same age group, due to a myriad of reasons. Join me in this contemplative, intuitive exploration.

In this Part I post I will explore socializing and what it means in the digital age. Future posts will cover socializing in the context of different degrees of intimacy and privacy factors, how we create boundaries and manage them and how it comes together in giving us positive alone time sometimes, and leaves us feeling lonely and hungry for company at other times.

Socializing

The framework I use for this contemplative exploration is from the Advaita Vedanta perspective (and this is just touching one point of the shore of the surface of the breadth and depth of the Vedanta framework on being human): the human is considered to have 4 capabilities – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. In these contemplations I articulate that perspective using 21st century memes.

We socialize physically, by being present in a team meeting or on the playing field or at the coffee shop.  We cannot have the physical presence in our digital social interactions (yet – sometime in the future that may change given augmented reality and holograms and so on, they may be able to produce the sense of smell and touch, which is part of the core of our physical socializing).

During these social physical together times we interact emotionally, often times with the full range of emotions: from affectionately positively friendly to angrily upsettingly negative. Being in the same physical space and in a group, makes for moderating influence. We are more circumspect on both sides.  On the other hand, when we have emotional social interactions digitally, we may end up not being so circumspect. Losing some of our composure and expending physical energy in the process.

We socialize intellectually too: we have conversations about politics, education, health care, welfare. We have opinions based on our observations, we propose them using models we have in our minds. We defend and argue about our models. And learn and sometimes change our models (often surreptitiously, without admitting it) in the process, so we can argue better next time. Those are the steps of an intellectual process. Scientists and academics do that more formally. This type of intellectual socialization may work in a digital space, especially if we leave our emotional interactions at the door. That happens more in a physical setting, and not as much in digital settings, as we notice in the flame wars on social media sites.

As I have grown older, I find I value socializing less and intimacy (which I expect to explore in a future post) and alone time more. I manage it through setting privacy boundaries (which also I will explore in a future post in this series). I see a similar pattern both in those close to my age around me, as well as my children, as they get closer to 30. My work based socialization has become very focused individual or group based problem solving interactions, strategic and wide ranging as they may be. My socialization outside of work projects, coaching and satsanghs is down to a few select friends. My alone time is filled with long walks, meditation, chanting, reading, writing, doodling, sketching (and lately sporadically knitting a scarf).

I have reached over the 800 word limit already on this post, which apparently is the expected attention span of a digital interaction. I will continue in my next post.

Meanwhile, on a scale to 100, I would say I value socializing at 30, intimacy at 30 and alone time at 40 at this stage of my life. How about you?